A lot of people have been telling me to keep my faith strong in the Lord, for He is the refuge for the oppressed. A lot of people have been telling me it is okay; what I am going through is not a big deal and the Lord will surely hear my cry. 

But you know. What if I am the one who is being the oppressor and not being oppressed. What if the Lord is simply squishing me under his feet for being the bad guy. Why does it feel easier to forgive my boss for being so abusive to me than to forgive Anthony for not managing everything as I would have liked. 

I think the truth is, I am not angry with Anthony. I am angry with the Lord for putting me in this loser state I am in now. I have been so, so angry. And I am losing focus on what is important in life. 

I am losing time, my health, and my youth. I guess I am the only one who can determine how much of a loss I want to have. 

I can’t confront the issues and anger I have inside of me. I just don’t want to lose anymore time and happiness. I really want to have a purpose in life again. Living a life trying to bury anger instead of confronting it with love is going to be the death of me. 

I am dying and heading straight for hell. 

I have come to a point where nothing is hopeful, or happy anymore. I would do almost anything for you to please not chase this path.

Thanksgiving

My grandad has been fighting a pneumonial infection for a pretty long time. He got discharged from the hospital yesterday and we all thought he was gonna get better and this year, Christmas was going to be one of the best ones we’ve all had. But today he had to be rushed back to the hospital again. Apparently he had a relapse, and it is much worse.

I went to see him today. He looked pretty weak and fragile. But his eyes were still full of warmth and kindness. He was happy to see my family. One of the first things he said was that we have to give thanks to God every day. He said he prayed every morning to give his thanks. He thanked God for every extra day, he thanked God for Blaire (his great-grandson). It broke my heart. How does anyone who has been suffering for so long have that capacity to love and be thankful? Before I left, he still had it in him to smile at me and ask me how my boyfriend was.

I don’t know if his time has really come. I guess I’ve been blessed really, for having such a loving and kind grandfather for the last 24 years. It is probably more than what most people can ask for. But if it is really his time to return home to the Lord, I’ll really miss him a lot.

team-free-spuffy:

paganmoma:

I think this is witchcraft in a nutshell.

The placebo effect at its finest

(via the-absolute-best-gifs)

troyelicious:

benjpierce:

when ur crush says hi to you

when ur crush asks how ur doing

when ur crush gets a girlfriend

(via the-absolute-best-gifs)

(Source: daybreakchild, via toshibu)

It has been so long since I felt like I could love you unconditionally.

Ernest Hemingway
(via wordsnquotes)

(Source: wordsnquotes.com, via shakenstirredandsouthern)

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down…and bleed.

ileftmyheartintokyo:

patterns of lotus by peaceful-jp-scenery (busy)
Via Flickr:
Takada Park 高田公園・観桜会 A lot of cherry trees can be seen at the lakeside. The background covered by the snow is Myoko mountains, and front patterns are lotus stalks. ハスの幾何学模様は相変わらず？ 妙高の山々にはまだ多くの雪が見られました。 [16:9 trimming] Joetsu city, Niigata pref, Japan

(Source: Flickr / peaceful-jp-scenery)